Ubering Keeps Leveling Up. What’s Next?

Unless you’re in New York, you hardly ever see a yellow Taxi anymore; it’s all about Uber and Lyft nowadays. I don’t mind; it’s super convenient. Not to mention, cleaner and generally much cheaper than a taxi. Despite those differences however, the two will forever share one thing; all the shit that goes down in the back seat.

‘Cab Confessions’ was a thing back in the day and it’d still be a thing if people wanted to go through the hassle of things like ‘awareness and distribution’ agreements. With everything that takes place in this day and age, from teenage girls looking like hookers to people willingly putting their dating habits on display, the amount of material that’s practically the gold of social media is endless; and it’s all going to waste because these stories are merely traveling through word of mouth, if that, failing to reach and therefore entertain a much bigger audience.

If my car wasn’t too old for me to qualify, I would become an Uber driver myself just for the sake of witnessing these things first-hand and if not videotaping them, then at least writing about them.

There’s this one chick apparently who always orders Uber Pool; not because she has to go to a specific destination and wants a cheaper rate but because she’s on the prowl to meet people. She talks to other passengers that are picked up along the way and if they get along, she collects their info so they can ‘meet up’ later.

Pokémon too is something Uber and Lyft drivers have to deal with. Passengers actually ask them to slow down on the freeway so they could “battle” other people in their vicinity that happen to be on the road. I’m not sure what that means exactly but it’s a thing.

This got me thinking… Uber is already expanding with extensions like ‘Uber Eats’. Why not expand it even further and dare I say, deeper? They could help people kill two birds with one stone; taking care of their needs while they’re already on the move. I took the liberty of coming up with a few suggestions.

  1. ‘Going home alone and feeling horny? Connect to your local riders that are going in a similar direction for a chance to get your rocks off! Swipe through pictures of available candidates; pick your favorites and conveniently pick up your ‘match’ or even ‘matches’ on your way home. Keep the cheaper rate; stop catching Prickachus and start catching orgasms! GO GO GO! Gotta catch ‘em all! – ‘Uber Lay’ is at your service.
  1. Unfortunately, as great of a name as ‘Uber Lay’ is, it may be a bit too obvious. Surely some people are gonna want to at least pretend to be discrete about their nightly endeavors; and surely Uber drivers won’t want to be associated with Pimps seeing as how they’re directly involved in helping these ‘transactions’ take place, and they’re getting paid for it. Perhaps calling this extension something like ‘Uber GO’ would be more appropriate.
  1. Blind dating is bad enough; so why not take the dating out of the equation altogether? The luxury of previewing your potential partner’s face may not be for everyone. Some people might just be adventurous and kinky enough to go into it with a ‘blindfold’. There would be an extension for that called ‘Uber Blind’.

You might be thinking… Picking up a stranger on the street and taking them to your home? What if that person turns out to be a freak? The truth is that those who seek that type of excitement already subject themselves to these dangers with apps like Tinder and Grinder, etc. It’s all basically the same thing in a sense that sexual encounters are the outcome; except Grinder is for gays and much more straight-forward about what their deal is, whereas Tinder still hides behind ‘platform for dating and social networking’ or whatever. Bottom line is no one is obligated to use those services and it wouldn’t be any different with Uber. To some, these app extensions will be just as useless as ‘Uber SUV’ or ‘Uber LUX’; to others they might just be a gold mine, making their Uber rides more exciting than ever before.

Editor’s note:

Apparently this is a thing already? LOL. Oh the world we live in…


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