Not Your Ordinary Uber Ride

This one time, with no Band Camp in sight, still drunk from the night before, my friend and I decided to continue the silliness at our friend’s house. We were running on about 2 hours of sleep if that, so needless to say we were slightly delirious. With our hair wet from the pool and our legs bruised from last night’s adventures, instead of getting behind the wheel, like the good girls that we are, we called an Uber.

The guy that picked us up, like most Uber drivers wasn’t exactly memorable. He did take a little detour to get gas which was slightly annoying; I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to do that in between stops, not during the transaction… But like I said, we were still buzzed and in a pretty good mood, so it was hard to care. And then he reaches over to his lap and whips out… A bearded dragon! No, that’s not what his calls his Princess Sophia; he was actually driving around with his pet, the bearded dragon.

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So he grabs the guy and casually hands him over to us in the back seat. I was all like ‘Eff that noise, I’m not holding that thing’. I’m not fond of any pet that isn’t furry. My friend however was of a slightly different opinion. She grabbed him right away exclaiming how cute he was and that she’s always kind of wanted one and that her boyfriend used to have one, but it died, etc. Meanwhile, I’m sitting there horrified, hoping that this dragon doesn’t decide to spread its beard and fly towards me.

I kept my distance while he crawled all around her. First he was hugging her from the back, tugging on her hair, obviously going for the reach around but unable to do so due to the common disadvantage of tiny arms that those ‘dragons’ have. Then he finally found his happy place in her boob area – typical dude.

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It was almost painful watching them part ways as we arrived to our destination. I swear she considered asking the driver to keep him. Truth be told, I’m not sure who was saddened most by this separation; my friend who grew slightly attached; the lizard who grew very much attached to her boobs; or the driver who seemed to purposely drive very slow as he obviously enjoyed our company.


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