HATE CHRONICLES: The Self-Analysis Edition

The phrase “People don’t change” always kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Some people don’t change – that’s a fact. Then there are others who are willing to change, and they do. The key is to want to do it for yourself; not anyone else. Internalizing; figuring out your issues and working on them will eventually lead to good things if you actually want that to happen. I for one am all kinds of fucked up, but I’m working on it. It’s hard and I hate how long it’s taking for me to become a more rational, less emotional version of my awesome self.

  1. FEAR – Let’s be real here. Fear ruins everything. Whether it’s heights of buildings and mountains or depths of waters and the unknown; whether it’s caused by prehistoric events or it’s completely irrational, it sucks. Fear prevents us from being honest and open in relationships. Fear controls the amount of excitement we can have in life. We allow fear to define our boring, lonely lives and by doing so we let Fear win. We allow it to interfere with our decision making process so much that we end up completely dependent on it. And while others are affected by our fears as well, we are the ones who suffer the most. I hate fear.
  2. BEING WRONG– Let’s face it: not a lot of people wake up in the morning and think ‘Gee, I hope I get to be wrong today’. No one actually enjoys being corrected. I for one am okay with being corrected, as long as it’s something minor, like if I use the wrong word to describe something; whatever no big deal. Now I know the right word – Thank you. I don’t even mind being wrong on bigger accounts; in a long run. It takes me a bit to get there sometimes. What I hate the most is the path from thinking that you’re dead right about something to realizing that you’re actually not. That means the stages of behaving like an arrogant ass are behind you and there’s nothing you can do but accept it and apologize. That’s when I truly hate having been wrong.
  3. LACK OF WILL POWER – This Will Power character is a pretty cool dude; you definitely want him around. He gets shit done. He’s kind of a jerk in my book though, because well, he dumped me. Left me stranded a long time ago; so long I don’t even remember; my life has been a blur ever since. Ladies and gentlemen, if this guy is a part of your life, don’t let him get away. Otherwise you can say hello to late night meals and goodbye to working out, ever; among many other things. I hate not having Will Power in my life.
  4. BEING INDECISIVE– Whether it’s figuring out what to make for dinner, what to order in the restaurant, what to wear, or what path to go down in life, it’s always so gosh darn difficult. It’s really one of my worst traits; sometimes I just want to be pointed and shoved in the right direction so I don’t have to think about it. I hate that.
  5. BEING TOLD TO CALM DOWN– Even when it’s coming from someone I respect, and even if I do in fact need to calm the fuck down, being told to calm down in the moment of crisis is the worst. You’re already caught up in your emotions; the wheels are rolling and the break lines are cut off – you’re not helping by telling me to do that which I can’t physically do. It’s even worse when you are in fact relaxed but merely concerned about something, and someone tells you to relax. Bitch, I was fucking relaxed but now I’m annoyed as all hell.
  6. EMOTIONS – When emotions are high, it’s very difficult and sometimes impossible to veer off into Logic Land and save your grace. There’s a chemical reaction that takes place inside your body that’s sometimes so strong, it gives you the shakes. Feeling like you don’t have any control over yourself is horrible; one may even compare that feeling to that of a child’s tantrum, where you’re crying uncontrollably and you don’t know how to stop. Emotions can appear in all kinds of ugly ways… For some it’s in the form of tears and others it’s in form of angry fits. Why do we have to be stuck with these ‘Emotions’?? Catching feelings and shit at all the inappropriate times; preventing us from being focused.
  7. AUTHORITY – Before I get into this, let me preface the fact that I don’t blindly hate all authority. There are people that I respect and would love nothing more than for them to lead me down the right path. What I hate is working for some shit for brains imbecile who wouldn’t know right from wrong if his/her life depended on it. And yet, because this person has a college degree (which I’m not convinced they rightfully deserve) or inheritance, I’m supposed to do as they say – that drives me fucking crazy. This person hardly ever leads with logic and is almost always on some sort of a power trip. I can’t stand that shit.
  8. COMMENTARY DURING THE MOVIES– This one’s last because not many will be able to relate as I have yet to meet a person who’s just as talkative and annoying as I am during the movie watching experience. I have to acknowledge every single stupid little thing that takes place on a screen with a snarky ‘Year right, like that would ever happen’ and ‘Look, look, he’s totally gonna get it’ and of course ‘Aw come on, don’t go down in the basement in the dark, it’s obviously a trap!’… And everyone around me is like ‘shut the fuck up, we’re trying to watch the movie’. I get it… I just wish more people would get involved in my banter; it’s quite fun. But they won’t, and I hate being the annoying one in the room… There is one place that I will sustain my urges though, and that’s the movie theatre. There’s something about having a giant room of strangers in a public place versus two or three friends on your couch judging you that makes me shut up voluntarily.

self-analyzation

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