Don’t Drink and Drive. Unless You Can Flower.

Drunk driving is no bueno. It’s ill-advised on every and all occasions, and it should never take place.

Having said that, some people are better at drunk driving than others. You can get a DUI after drinking two beers if you’re driving like an asshole, speeding and shit… And you can get away with drunk driving if you’re semi-wasted as long as you’re following the rules of the road. It is the saaaad, sad truth, my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating one or the other, nor am I praising the ability to avoid the law – I’m just saying.

A friend of mine, who shall remain unnamed, is very good at playing Chauffer at 4am driving all sorts of bitches home, including myself. He would get into his Mercedes convertible, blast his Spotify playlist and inevitably take the most convoluted route home(s) including every and all canyon imaginable.

This particular time we took Coldwater, I believe… I’m not sure – I have a tendency to not pay attention to street signs when I’m taking selfies and videos with my hands up in the air, while simultaneously trying to conduct a properly-fitting playlist.

So we’re driving… I’m in the front seat and we have two more lovelies in the back; one of which is semi awake, contributing to the soundtrack and the other one is border-line snoring – poor, tired thing in a tight red skirt. Next thing I know, we pull over on the side of a street that’s already pretty tight – way too tight to be pulling over on. My friend (the driver) gets out, muttering something that I couldn’t muster. I just figured he really had to take a piss – cause why else would you stop in the middle of the street at 4 am???

Turns out he saw a tree with flowers that he just had to rob given the fact that he had three beautiful ladies in his car and all beautiful ladies deserve flowers; his words, not mine. He then proceeds to give the two white flowers to the girls in the back seat, gifting me with the one and only – pink flower.

Am I special? Hell yeah. He and I have been FRIENDS for over 9 years and it will continue to be so. I deserve the pink flowers more so than any other girl in his life because vaginas may come and go but friends are for life.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *