Someone said to me the other day that the way men behave at a bar is equivalent to the way they behave in their romantic lives. Naturally I asked this person to elaborate because I’ve seen men at the bar; hell, I’ve served men at the bar and the mere thought of comparing their typical behavior to their personal lives, let alone romantic encounters is downright scary. They’re loud, sloppy and obnoxious to say the least. They expect everything for nothing and they want it right away. They pretend to be ballers in attempts to show off in front of other primates. Who’d want that in their relationship? I don’t even want it at my bar.
Erasing all confusion, the gentleman that spat out this ‘Bar Man’ theory kindly explained to me the meaning behind his comment – the major correlation behind the man and his bar ways. When men sit at the bar, they treat their food as they do their wives and their drinks as they do their mistresses. When the food arrives, nothing else exists. Their attention is completely and utterly devoted; they sit down, focused, and they devour that which is in front of them. When they’re finished and the meal has nothing left to give, the empty plate gets pushed to the side and the drinking begins.
You see, while the food is a necessary component for survival, drinking is that one bitch that comes along reminding you of the good times you could be having but don’t necessarily need to be having… It’s an “unpleasant” luxury so to speak. I say unpleasant in quotes because obviously that bitch is quite pleasant; that minx; she knows what she’s doing. She provides that little extra something that food, no matter how delicious, just can’t.
As fascinating as this is, the woman’s nature in me wants to rebel, of course; kick and scream in utter disapproval as I find the concept of cheating completely disgusting. As a human however, a human that appreciates a good limerick and even more so a good analogy, I condone this particular comparison wholeheartedly. Needless to say though… I almost always fancy myself an exception; no the rule. So when I get married, I’ll be walking down the aisle wearing not a veil but a Cape; because you know, I’ll be the ‘two in one’ superhero kind of wife that manages to not only feed her husband, but keep him quenched as well.