5 Ways to Make Sure Your Day is as Unproductive as Possible

1. NETFLIX.
Watch anything and everything. It can be something you’ve seen a million times, but enjoy anyway or something new. It has to be on Netflix though. That way you’re bound to be planted on your ass for hours, with no commercials to get up during. If you must, you can use the pause button of course, but only to use the restroom or get food. Now, movies are great, but TV shows are better. Much more time can be wasted if you choose to watch a TV show. Netflix has this feature where it only gives you only 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether you want to watch the next one or not. Naturally the answer should be “Yes please”, but if you do have a lapse of judgment for a bit, no worries, 15 seconds isn’t a lot of time and Netflix will be there to assist you in a time of need. It will decide for you, by playing the next episode on its own. Gotta love Netflix.

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2. EAT.
While eating is generally an important aspect of life, don’t be fooled, it can also be used as one of the top things to contribute to your unproductive day. Just think about how many minutes you could waste staring at your fridge alone! Then there are the cupboards… By the time you’re done staring at those, you could try the fridge again, knowing perfectly well that nothing has manifested in it during the time you were gone, but doing it anyway. And then after you’ve made up your mind about what you want to eat, which naturally is a process on its own, you can cook stuff! This too can take a while. Get creative! A sandwich doesn’t have to be two pieces of bread slapped together with a piece of meat and/or cheese in between. Just because you’re working hard at being unproductive, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to enjoy it.

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3. DRINK.
Whether you’re home alone or out at a bar, I assure you, time is wasted. So don’t worry, you’re definitely succeeding at making your day as unproductive as possible. Start with a beer and slowly progress to heavier things. You have to be smart about this in order to stretch the process for as long as possible. Remember, you have a whole day to waste.
Note: Can also be combined with eating to achieve the ultimate effect.

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4. YOU TUBE.
You don’t have to have a plan, so don’t be scared if you don’t know where to begin. The internet will guide you. Start with something you’re familiar with. Based on your interest in that, YouTube will lead you further causing you to explore things you didn’t even know existed. Various links will take you places that you didn’t even know you liked. Before you know it, you will have spent at least three hours being unproductive, guaranteed. Wait, it gets better. The thing about YouTube is it’s a long term source of material. Once you pop, you can’t stop. Rest assured, this is a great go-to when it comes to wasting time.

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5. ONLINE SHOPPING.
Much like with YouTube, all you have to do is start. Anywhere you go, you’re bound to stumble upon other links that will surely tickle your fancy with stuff you can purchase. Don’t be too picky either! By buying shit you don’t need, you’re ensuring yourself with possibilities for unproductive days in the future. Just think about all the returns you’ll have to make. If you choose not to actually buy anything, no worries, you can still complete the task of wasting time. There is such a thing as a wish list, which is equivalent to window shopping. You get the experience without spending the money.

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Now that you have this great guide, you’d better get going. Time and money are both all too unimportant to not be wasted shamelessly so if you’re not doing all of the above, you’re clearly doing life wrong.

 

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2 Comments

  1. This is definitely my life most days. Between the omnivore’s dilemma, my predilection for liquid vices, and squandering time on the boob tube it’s a wonder I get anything done at all.

    Been creepin’ on your posts and I gotta say I dig your wit. If you ever move from a sit-down comic to the stand-up variety, drop me a line. I’ll come out and support.

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