WHEELER SERIES: Responsibilities & Dead Grass

This guy… This not so mysterious creature that goes by Wheeler believes himself to be not only the sharpest but also the brightest crayon in the box. This may have been true back home in Missouri where everyone’s idea of a good time involved either cow tipping or egging someone’s house, but here in Los Angeles, a city that’s filled with brighter, more advanced minds all around it takes a little bit more effort to be the smartest/funniest guy in the room. Unfortunately, for both himself and those immediately surrounding him, he never got around to accepting the fact that here, in the land of bigger and better things he’s nothing but a dull number 2 pencil.

Not much was expected of him. It seemed above and beyond appropriate to stick him with general household duties such as fixing the lights and maintaining the grass; at least until he was properly trained to handle tasks that require more brain usage; but he couldn’t even do that!

This guy… He had a total of one and a half tasks! ‘Don’t be destructive and help a little bit to keep the mansion growing instead of trashing it’. Instead he decides it’s okay to leave his shit all around, chalking it up to the fact that he can do whatever he wants because somehow he deems himself deserving of a spot higher on the ladder of success than everyone else around him. Why? I’m not entirely sure. It may have something to do with issues of entitlement. I’m not about to start playing psychologist or anything but please; some things about ‘this guy’ are just that transparent.

What does it take to keep the grass green? That’s right – watering it regularly with an occasional seeding if there are too many dead spots being in order of course.

This guy… He would not only neglect the daily watering process because he was too busy mixing flavored vodka with grape soda at the end of his ‘hard working’ shifts as a bartender, but he would also never bother treating the dead grass areas in the first place. Reality check, buddy – if the grass isn’t growing, it’s not going to magically start unless you do something about it.

Another thing he’d do that drove me wild was that he would leave orange wedges all around the backyard, claiming that WHEN he’d mow the grass, it would smell like oranges which is ‘awesome’. Never mind the fact that orange wedges weren’t the only things spread all over the backyard; there was just as much neglected dog poop all around as there were orange wedges that were ‘strategically placed with a purpose’ – puuuhhhhhlease! If you’re gonna be a lazy piece of shit, just say so! Don’t hide behind seemingly crafty excuses!

This guy… All these supposed ideas and motives… And at the end of the day all that’s left is pure damage: physical debt, pee-stained couches, endless resentment and dead grass. Thank goodness I was able to at least bring the green back to life; who knows how long it’s gonna take to repair the rest of it.

Dammit Wheeler.

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